Steps Forward and Steps Back

After a few months on a new medication, Shannon has reported decreased anxiety, better sleep, and fewer mood swings. I really miss her in college, but she seems to be doing okay without me (probably because she has her maddeningly adorable and perfect boyfriend).

Since it's Shannon, however, her medicine has some pretty ridiculous side effects. When she first started taking her medicine, it made her really, really drowsy. That passed just in time for her to start having blurry vision (she has to wear glasses now. Of course she doesn't look even a little bit ugly, that bitch.).

It also made her hair start falling out. Her main problem with this, since she isn't shallow like me, is that it was clogging up her hairbrush and shower drain.

Still, I think the side effects must be worth it. Being bald and wearing glasses are still better than being crazy.

A New Fashion Statement

Shannon and Dorsey and I were all set to get together and make hair bows when Shannon called me. However, the voice on the other end was not Shannon's, but Brenda's.
"Shannon was making some tea when the kettle exploded. She burnt her leg, so she'll have to reschedule."
"Oh my god!! Is Shannon okay? Is it bad? Did she go to the hospital?"
"Yeah, she's fine. I've got her here in a bathtub with ice water, she's just moaning and groaning and acting pitiful," Brenda replied nonchalantly. [In fact, Shannon had sustained second-degree burns to the majority of her left leg.] In the background, Shannon's voice could be heard calmly saying "I think I'm free on Sunday, so tell her we can make bows then."
Brenda relayed the message, and told me Shannon would call me back later.

A few days later, the gang got together for our bow-making session. Perhaps because each of us thinks the other two impeccably stylish and ourselves as a slovenly impostor, we always end up dressing up when we hang out. Shannon was wearing a stylish, coral-colored knit top, cutoff jean shorts, and...one...hot pink...capri-length legging, supported by a braided headband pulled around her thigh. [By this point, I had more or less forgotten about Shannon's burn, since Shannon was neither moaning nor groaning about it and hadn't mentioned it since the incident.]

Dorsey and I rather delicately avoided asking about it, as questioning someone's wardrobe choices tends to be frowned upon in our circle. During a lull in the conversation, I gently ahem'd my way to the point.
"Um. Shannon? Why...are you only wearing one legging?"
Shannon laughed. "Oh, this is to keep my burn covered. I ran out of bandages."
Apparently Shannon had been walking around the house without anything covering the burn, and sheets of her skin had been falling off and creeping out her various family members.

Artist's depiction.

Which I guess is slightly worse than wearing a single hot pink legging.

Shannon's New Allergy

Since Shannon has so many dietary restrictions and eats so healthy anyway, she very rarely eats anything processed. But while she was at the beach with her boyfriend's family, she didn't have the same flexibility as she has at home. I don't know what she was eating, but it apparently contained red food dye (which Shannon hasn't had in a long time). This caused her palms to blister and develop a rash. Luckily, Roddy's uncle is a doctor and knew what this meant. I would have thought that Shannon was turning into a werewolf (in my defense, a rash on your palms is one of the symptoms!)

Shannon Is Crazy (But You'd Be Too If You Grew Up With Brenda)

I haven't mentioned this before as it seemed too personal, but Shannon included it in her most recent Health Update Bulletin so I might as well go there.

Shannon is crazy.

Granted, I think basically everyone is crazy. In fact, I think Shannon is about the sanest person I know. However, she does have a lot of issues with anxiety, so I guess we're supposed to think she's weird.

For example, Shannon is really weird about hair. When she sees someone with a stray hair on her shirt, her thought process is as follows:

• Hair is dirty.
• You are dirty for having hair on your shirt.
• I am talking to you, and therefore I am dirty.

If I remember correctly,  Shannon actually got diagnosed with OCD and saw a counselor to help her with it. Her counselor used to make her touch hair and then talk about how it made her feel. 

Shannon has been having panic/anxiety attacks since we were about fourteen. Her charming mother Brenda is always very helpful and understanding throughout Shannon's emotional turmoils, sitting in the room with Shannon to glare at her and occasionally remind her that crying is pathetic and weak. 

Brenda gives Shannon a lot of grief at home, and her dad is often away on business or sick. This gives Shannon a lot of anxiety, so small things can set her off. Like if she really really wanted a sandwich and there's no gluten-free bread left, she might break down crying and then hyperventilate.

Recently she was having a panic attack when she was with her dear sweet boyfriend Roddy. She moved away from him to get some space as she was feeling claustrophobic, and dear sweet Roddy moved in to hug her. She ducked away to go find some different space. Roddy immediately moved in to try to hug her some more. This odd shuffle continued until she eventually yelled at him and was finally left to lurk in a corner peacefully.

For the past week and a half, she's been at the beach with Roddy and his family. She was frolicking in the ocean (which, miraculously, she isn't allergic to) when Roddy's sister sidled up to Shannon and told her "you're being so mean to me that I seriously just want to go home."

And Shannon just freaked out.

She had a MEGA panic attack and wouldn't get in the car to go to the doctor because she was feeling so claustrophobic. To cope with this, Shannon started banging her head on the car and attempting to remove her skin with her fingernails. She's going to a doctor when she gets back from the beach. 

Vegans

Shannon's dad, who has a slew of health problems of his own, recently became vegan. Brenda hates veganism like Tyler Perry hates making anything good, so she did not take this well.

She seemed to take it well; she started cooking vegan food for Shannon's dad and never really mentioned it to him. Naturally, however, there was major passive-aggressiveness at play.

Conveniently, everything Brenda made had something Shannon was allergic to in it, so she could never have any of it. It also recently came to light that Brenda had been sneaking eggs and dairy into his food because she does that sort of thing.

 Shannon's dad became vegan for health reasons, and after a month or so, got blood tests to see if it was improving his health. Bus since he's been unwittingly eating animal products, his lab results will likely show little change. This should give Brenda the satisfaction of insisting that veganism doesn't work.

Uh, right.

Back In The Day

As I've likely mentioned before, Shannon is lactose intolerant (which is quite common in those of Native American descent), but this isn't a problem as she doesn't eat dairy anyway. But back in the day, Shannon wasn't a vegan or really aware of her lactose intolerance. 

When we went to France together on a school trip in eighth grade, and most of our meals featured dairy pretty heavily. One day spent toodling around a smaller town in the south of France stands out in particular; lunch was enormous slices of cheesy pizza, dessert was ice cream, and a good part of the afternoon was spent at a chocolate shop. 

The chocolate shop also sold pastries, tea, and coffee, and had a few small tables. A handful of kids with our group had ducked into the shop to get out of the drizzle and warm up with a coffee. We'd been walking around all day, and as a result I'd drunk lots of water and had few bathroom breaks. I really needed to pee.

I got in line for the bathroom, a single unit, behind Shannon and a few of the other girls from our group. Shannon went ahead of me, and, OH MY GOD, READER, I thought my bladder might explode.

I waited outside the door for ages. I knocked a few times and begged Shannon to hurry up, urging her to think of the terrible sepsis that would occur should my bladder indeed burst. She responded that she was "feeling sick." Finally, finally, the door opened and Shannon edged out sheepishly. After I was free from the agitation of an uncomfortably full bladder, I asked Shannon if she was okay. I felt awful for her; how embarrassed she must have been!

Though, in all fairness, I did barf in front of a very nice cathedral later that day. 

Girly Stuff

The other day in class during a lecture, Shannon leaned over and whispered "I'm wearing a white skirt with no underwear while I'm on my period...I LIVE DANGEROUSLY." For many valid reasons, I found this unbelievably hilarious.

On a different occasion, I had bled through my underwear and excused myself during class to go to the bathroom. I rinsed them out rather furtively and was waving them about under the hand dryer when someone walked in. Thankfully, it was Shannon. I can't honestly say there's anyone I want to walk in on me while I'm drying my undies at school, but I think Shannon would definitely be the best person to walk into that situation.

I guess where I'm going with this is, Shannon gets it: she got her first period when we were in third grade. We went to elementary school together, but I have awkward parents and didn't know what any of the mysterious looks and vague references to "girly stuff" meant. Besides, Shannon and I weren't terribly close back then (read: Shannon thought I was super weird and creepy, because I was).

Apparently, Shannon's devotion to organic food stems from her tragically early entrance into the very shittiest part of womanhood. The hormones in milk and meat and some other non-organic foods can trigger puberty in young kids. Another result of this is that Shannon was about 5'3" in fourth grade. Which, admittedly, makes for some pretty funny class photos.