Speaking of Shannon's Teeth

Shannon got her wisdom teeth out a year or two ago, and things absolutely went as awful as you'd expect. Apparently she went to some kind of deranged oral surgeon who forcibly laughing-gassed her despite vehement protests, so it was honestly sort of impressive that it managed to get so much worse from there.
If I remember correctly, the pain medication they gave her wasn't especially effective, which normally wouldn't be that huge of a deal. But Shannon developed dry socket somehow, so the pain was way more intense and lasted about a month longer. To be honest, I'm not even sure what dry socket is. All I remember is that when Shannon was explaining it to me, the words "pus" and "stitches" were mentioned enough for me to repress everything else. During this time, she had to eat everything in the form of liquids. I remember quite vividly the day she brought in blueberries. Liquefied blueberries have the weirdest texture, sort of like if you put an empty cereal box and some water in the blender. Other notable mentions of blended foods include veggie burgers, pb&j sandwiches, and some of the less-blendable fruits like grapes.

Oh For the Love of God Brenda

Shannon enjoys mashed potatoes as much as any normal person; in this spirit, one evening at dinner with her family, she was just casually eating her mashed potatoes, not expecting to find a pebble in them, because why in the hell would you ever expect that.
This proved to be a crucial oversight. Shannon's mom has a completely retarded "sense" of "humor", as in she does stupid mean shit for no evident reason. For example, on this particular evening, she had snuck some pebbles into Shannon's mashed potatoes. Since Shannon isn't a python and chews her food, she bit down on the pebble. Predictably, this did not end well. It ended up loosening her tooth; I'm not sure if she actually ever went to the dentist about it, but I know that now she has to use Sensodyne instead of normal toothpaste.
Thanks a heap, Brenda.

I Think Shannon Would Look Awesome With a Peg Leg

A few months ago, Shannon sustained what is possibly the most catastrophic foot/ankle injury ever. I don't think anything dramatic happened, just a routine injury that somehow devolved into a bloody stump of Achilles tendon and nightmares. For a while she couldn't wear shoes without angering the foot demons and opening a huge wound in her foot. She also had to undergo physical therapy for a while, which I gathered was quite painful based on my conversions for Shannon's pain tolerance:

The whole thing was fairly awful. Now whenever she says "My foot is acting up again," I am forced to panic on her behalf. When she was going to physical therapy, I think she was worried that her ankle/foot would be permanently retarded. It took quite a while to heal, but it finally did. Although I will say, if it hadn't, Shannon has excellent taste in peg-legs for every occasion and would have flourished anyway.

Wtf does Shannon eat?

Shannon and I are both vegans, so, inevitably, people always ask us what we eat. This is a stupid question in a pre-apocalyptic world with abundant flora and the wide availability of vegan products. However, I feel like this is sort of a legitimate question for Shannon. Her dietary restrictions sound like one of those logic puzzles that use process of elimination to find an answer. They include:

• acid reflux: no tomatoes or dark greens, no eating at least three hours before bedtime. In addition, this requires Shannon to sleep with her head elevated. Shannon's distaste for pillows means she just puts stuff under her mattress. We don't have sleepovers much.
• hypoglycemia: Shannon has to eat every few hours or so and should eat right before bedtime.
• severe asparagus allergy
• gluten allergy
• lactose intolerance
• vegan

So, no, at this point I don't think it's impolite to wonder how Shannon is alive. The way she deals with this is really beautiful in its simplicity: she just ignores most of it like a fucking champ.